non-game rp

[armcollector]

mostly a rollover post, for escaping captcha in memes, psls, etc

Comments

[armcollector]

[Okay, weird dreams aside, Magnus is genuinely excited to live out his wildest, nigh-truest fantasies of being the very thing he holds so dear to his heart. It'd be cuter if the internet wasn't the way it was and made tfing into a dog with the intellect of a human, like, weird, but the internet has never set foot in Faerun (yet) so Magnus doesn't think it's weird at all.

In fact, he thinks it's probably going to be the coolest and definitely not at all a sex thing. Even if he's still annoyed that Taako didn't mention it was possible sooner. If Magnus had magic, he'd be burning through spell slots on the daily.

Not just to tf into a dog but mostly because magic is cool and Magnus is fucking jealous.

Anyway. He waits in his room by the door almost as if he's already an excited dog, tapping his foot on the ground to let out all his excess energy. Wait, Taako's incredibly drunk, isn't he? Will he be okay to come here on his own? Uhh, fuck, maybe he should text him again to make sure he's okay...]

trying to fight html and captcha on my phone was a nightmare

[spellslots]

[On the scale of one to ten of bad ideas, teleporting between the quad and their rooms is at least a thirty, which is why Taako does the sensible thing for once in his entire life and walks. It takes a little bit longer, but he has all his limbs in the right place when he knocks loudly on Magnus's door.

The fresh moon air also helped sober him up a bit; Magnus should be grateful for that.]

Guess who~?

[The singsong voice is definitely necessary.]

ohhh my god i can only imagine

[armcollector]

[Magnus spent all that while waffling on whether he should text again or not, but the knock comes and, with it, relief. He answers the door immediately.]

Is it Scott Bakula? From TV?

[He makes a show of looking disappointed, but he can't really completely hide his smirk.]

Oh, it's just Taako. That's fine, I guess. You can come in.

[Taako probably doesn't need the invitation, but Magnus extends it all the same, rustic charm calling for certain manners at certain times, even with close friends.]

Want some water? You have been drinking water, right? I never even asked what the occasion for all the drinking was.

basic math suddenly becomes the greatest struggle known to man

[spellslots]

[Wow!! Rude!!!

He almost immediately turns around and swans out just to make a point, but Magnus's couch looks comfy and his own room feels like it's a million miles away (it is not), so as soon as the invitation is extended he swans in. This mostly involves flopping dramatically onto the couch, claiming the whole thing. Hopefully Magnus didn't want to actually sit back down.]

Drinking water is for nerds. [Does he look like a bitch nerd?] And the occasion for all the drinking was that I ran into Avi and he had like, an armful of drinks he wanted to test out and the rest is, as they say, history. I think I saw god, and not in the cleric way, it was fucking wild.

[Self-care is slamming back a blue potion and fighting god behind Fantasy Costco.]

i dont KNOW which is bigger btwn ninety seven and 76 and i dont want to know

[armcollector]

[Of course it was Avi. Magnus is pretty sure if there was a huge party, he'd be invited to it. Magnus is great at parties. Plus, Merle has an incredible party level, so he'd have to be there, too...

Anyway, the denial of water makes him frown.]

Taako, if you don't drink water, you're gonna regret it in the morning. [But, well, he can't force him to do anything, so if he doesn't want to, he doesn't want to.]

So, if you turn me into a dog, can I still talk? Do I still have human Magnus brain? Or do I become, like, the dog version of Dupree?

"is a hat a body part" "idk probably????"

[spellslots]

You're gonna regret letting me turn you into a dog in the morning.

["Letting" as though this isn't at least 99% Magnus's idea and therefore his fault, when something goes wrong and the Director has to get involved.]

Dog version of Dupree. [He does the appropriate enunciation required to make Dupree's name sound cool.] Like, you're still gonna be Magnus, just kinda stupid Magnus who can't talk.

im still not sure if hair counts as a body part or not

[armcollector]

Magic is fucking wild.

[Seriously, there's a lot of weird stuff about spells involving magical creatures like Dupree and Garyl, the latter of whom especially appears to have his own identity, but also only exists when Taako wills it. Pretty much everything Magnus has seen Taako do makes his brain feel like spaghetti if he thinks too much about it, actually.]

Though I guess it'd be weirder if I was a dog that really knew his way around a workshop.

i think in d&d it does but the image of a dog with sideburns is hilarious

[spellslots]

[The trick is to not think about too hard, Mr. Simple Idiot Wizard over here knows how that goes.]

You'd make bank on that shit though, if nothing else! Who wouldn't wanna buy a chair or whatever made by a dog?

[Sensible people, probably.]

[armcollector]

[Sensible people Magnus would want nothing to do with.]

I'm not even sure if I could part with a chair made by a dog. Even if that dog was me. That chair comes with a story.

[spellslots]

[Wait he has immediate regrets about just like, all of this.]

If you're gonna make me watch you attempt to make a chair while you're a dog I'll tell the Director on you myself.

[armcollector]

Nooooo, pleeeeeeaaase, Taako, I just want to be the world's first carpenter dog!! On the moon!

[Don't tell!! The Director!! That's the last person that needs to be told!!!]

[spellslots]

Two, you can two of those things. You gotta choose.

[He can either be a carpenter dog on the ground because the Director will throw him off, or he can be a dog on the moon that doesn't try to wriggle it's way into a pocket workshop just to make a chair.]

[armcollector]

[Exaggerated siiiiigh.]

Fine, okay. I mean, I can't make any promises for my dog brain, but I will try not to get too close to any saws or chisels or knives as a dog. Try.

[armcollector]

i've had sex before taako!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Today in phrases he never thought he'd have to send to his good friend Taako: that.

It takes Magnus less than ten minutes to reach the Fantasy Waffle House, and he came hungry. He almost brought his own silverware but then realized that might be weird. He's more than a little excited about the whole deal, okay. He barely gave himself the time to change out of his pajamas, even.

He lets the host know he's waiting for a friend and hangs out in the waiting area for Taako's arrival.]

[pocketspa]

[Taako saunters in a few minutes later, absolutely wearing the same outfit he was the night before, hair tied back in a kind of half-up bun that's obvious he's trying not to betray how messy it is. Somehow, his eyeliner still looks amazing. It's a little bit of a crime.

He slides into the booth, propping his head up with his arm.]

'Sup. Sleep well?

[armcollector]

Yes, thank you. Did you sleep at all?

[He doesn't want to mother hen Taako, but sometimes the guy is just such a mess. Case in point, he has not eaten for the past 24 hours.

Magnus, meanwhile, orders like he also hasn't eaten for 24 hours. He has. He definitely has.]

Steak and eggs, steak medium rare, eggs overmedium, hashbrowns all the way, please. And a coffee.

[pocketspa]

Jeez, Maggie, what are you, my mom? Also, elves don’t need to sleep. Trade secret.

[Not that sleeping isn’t like, hella nice. And seeing as most of the world revolves around the idea that Most People Sleep it just opens opportunities. But also, he can use that as his Taako Time if he wants. Like, uh, the last 24 hours with Kravitz that Magnus will only get details on it if it’s gonna be hilariously funny.]

Uhhh hit me with some pancakes and eggs, scrambled, get some cheese up in there. Not in the same thing, that's stupid and I bet you know that, like the cheese with the eggs not just all of it in, uh, in a pile. Plus bacon. This entire venture is pointless without bacon.

[He hands over his menu and looks back towards Magnus, fingers folded in a little bridge to support his chin on his elbows as they’re propped up on the table.]

Sounds like somebody’s mad he went to bed early and didn’t keep the party goin’.

[armcollector]

I like sleeping! And eating! And other things that I need to survive!

[He hands off his menu, too, frowning at Taako.]

I've definitely seen you asleep before. You know you feel better after you get in a solid eight hours. And I mean eight hours of sleepytime, not eight hours of whatever you did all night.

[pocketspa]

I said elves don't need to sleep, not that I don't like sleeping. But sometimes you've got other priorities.

[He doesn't usually like to flaunt messing around like this in front of Magnus, because his biz isn't really Magnus' biz and People knowing Things about him is still uncomfortable. But he's willing to make an exception for how much it seems to outright bother Magnus, because that just makes it nine thousand percent funnier.]

But what, like, spendin' the night with an incredible guy and not having to stop the party train because I'm fucking unstoppable? 'Cuz now you're just soundin' real jealous my dude. Seriously, you wanna hang next time, we'll hook you up with someone cute. Or at least get you some coffee or whatever so you don't pass out at the bar.

[Mixing coffee and alcohol is fine right? Yeah. Sure.]

[armcollector]

I'll pass, thanks.

[He's not about to be hooked up with anyone in any fashion. Not anytime soon, anyway.

There's only one person for him.]

Who was it, anyway? Anyone I know?

[He's probably going to regret asking, but blame his curiosity for that.]

[pocketspa]

Yeah, yeah.

[He waves his hand like he doesn't care an incredible amount, because he doesn't. If Magnus doesn't wanna be fun, he doesn't have to be fun. Taako is also rational enough to reason that people have fun in different ways, but also, it's time for Taako's Opinion, and it's that Magnus is being too much of a wet blanket around this party lifestyle.

The real question is, does he reveal his Boyfriend Hand yet.]

Do you really wanna know? Are you tryin' that hard to picture me having sex with someone, 'cause Magnus, if you wanted to see me like that, I'd say you could ask but I'm certainly not lining up to suck your dick.

[armcollector]

[God! Why are you like this!]

Am I not allowed to have a healthy interest in my best friend's romantic life? You don't have to tell me if you don't want to, as long as you're happy it's not really my business.

[Magnus sips his coffee for strength in these trying times.]

Anyway, luckily for you, this dick isn't on the table for anyone.

[pocketspa]

[He's best boy and you know it. Taako snorts a laugh, laying his hands spread on the table.]

Listen, no dicks, no tables, promise. And yeah, I mean, it's fine, he's...

[Hhhhh this is verging so much on too personal.]

It's fine. But if you're allowed to be pickin' in my life, I'm allowed to give you unsolicited advice about not being sad and lonely. Like that you should find someone cute to make out with.

[armcollector]

[Congrats, with the sound of Magnus' groan marks the successful conversation dodge. Score one for Taako, but the morning's not over yet.]

I'm not sad and lonely! I've got you, and Merle, and Lup, and Carey and Ango and everyone else. Just because I'm not going to poundtown with anyone doesn't mean I need to make out immediately.

[He sips his coffee with a sigh.]

I'm not saying it'll never happen, but like, it's not happening. If someone is interested for whatever weird reason and I turn out to be into them, great, but that's not where I'm at right now.

[pocketspa]

[Yesss score one for Taako.]

Fine, fine, go back to being Angus' weird dad or something, nobody here has a decent relationship structure.

[Like??? Lup and Barry maybe??? Maybe. He can't imagine his sister as any kind of functional being.]

And I will content myself with glitter and dudes and sometimes both of those things at once. Also, with some eggs, which I am still waiting for. Often not at the same time as the dudes.