armcollector | non-game rp

[Magnus spent all that while waffling on whether he should text again or not, but the knock comes and, with it, relief. He answers the door immediately.]

Is it Scott Bakula? From TV?

[He makes a show of looking disappointed, but he can't really completely hide his smirk.]

Oh, it's just Taako. That's fine, I guess. You can come in.

[Taako probably doesn't need the invitation, but Magnus extends it all the same, rustic charm calling for certain manners at certain times, even with close friends.]

Want some water? You have been drinking water, right? I never even asked what the occasion for all the drinking was.

[Wow!! Rude!!!

He almost immediately turns around and swans out just to make a point, but Magnus's couch looks comfy and his own room feels like it's a million miles away (it is not), so as soon as the invitation is extended he swans in. This mostly involves flopping dramatically onto the couch, claiming the whole thing. Hopefully Magnus didn't want to actually sit back down.]

Drinking water is for nerds. [Does he look like a ~~bitch~~ nerd?] And the occasion for all the drinking was that I ran into Avi and he had like, an armful of drinks he wanted to test out and the rest is, as they say, history. I think I saw god, and not in the cleric way, it was fucking wild.

[Self-care is slamming back a blue potion and fighting god behind Fantasy Costco.]

[Of course it was Avi. Magnus is pretty sure if there was a huge party, he'd be invited to it. Magnus is great at parties. Plus, Merle has an incredible party level, so he'd have to be there, too...

Anyway, the denial of water makes him frown.]

Taako, if you don't drink water, you're gonna regret it in the morning. [But, well, he can't force him to do anything, so if he doesn't want to, he doesn't want to.]

So, if you turn me into a dog, can I still talk? Do I still have human Magnus brain? Or do I become, like, the dog version of Dupree?

You're gonna regret letting me turn you into a dog in the morning.

["Letting" as though this isn't at least 99% Magnus's idea and therefore his fault, when something goes wrong and the Director has to get involved.]

Dog version of Dupree. [He does the appropriate enunciation required to make Dupree's name sound cool.] Like, you're still gonna be Magnus, just kinda stupid Magnus who can't talk.

Magic is fucking wild.

[Seriously, there's a lot of weird stuff about spells involving magical creatures like Dupree and Garyl, the latter of whom especially appears to have his own identity, but also only exists when Taako wills it. Pretty much everything Magnus has seen Taako do makes his brain feel like spaghetti if he thinks too much about it, actually.]

Though I guess it'd be weirder if I was a dog that really knew his way around a workshop.

[The trick is to not think about too hard, Mr. Simple Idiot Wizard over here knows how that goes.]

You'd make bank on that shit though, if nothing else! Who wouldn't wanna buy a chair or whatever made by a dog?

[Sensible people, probably.]

[Sensible people Magnus would want nothing to do with.]

I'm not even sure if I could part with a chair made by a dog. Even if that dog was me. That chair comes with a story.

[Wait he has immediate regrets about just like, all of this.]

If you're gonna make me watch you attempt to make a chair while you're a dog I'll tell the Director on you myself.

Nooooo, pleeeeeeaaase, Taako, I just want to be the world's first carpenter dog!! On the moon!

[Don't tell!! The Director!! That's the last person that needs to be told!!!]

Two, you can two of those things. You gotta choose.

[He can either be a carpenter dog on the ground because the Director will throw him off, or he can be a dog on the moon that doesn't try to wriggle it's way into a pocket workshop just to make a chair.]

[Exaggerated siiiiigh.]

Fine, okay. I mean, I can't make any promises for my dog brain, but I will try not to get too close to any saws or chisels or knives as a dog. Try.

Thank you, there's no way I'm filling out the paperwork for that.

[With a dramatic sigh, Taako sits himself up and eyes Magnus.]

You ready?

[It's! Happening! Magnus snaps to attention. He would be having second thoughts right about now but, he's Magnus so who cares about those. It's only an hour long spell anyway. No hour long spell has ever randomly become permanent.]

Hell yeah! Dog me!

[With the umbra staff pointed at Magnus (be nice, Lup), Taako casts polymorph and

Ta da!

Magnus is now a big fuck-off mastiff, because that's just how great magic is.]

Don't pee on the carpet, my dude.

[Dog Magnus is so excited he could pee on the carpet. He does that dog thing where he wags his tail and spins around in place excitedly, barking once at Taako. Then he starts trying to dig a hole in the carpet, panting, and not really getting anywhere.

Congrats, Taako, you're now responsible for a dog.]

Wait, wait, hold up.

[He doesn't know if that will actually be effective, but he's going to pluck his wizard hat off his head regardless, and attempt to put it into Magnus's doggy head.

Because that's hilarious.]

[Dognus freezes in place when the hat is place on his head.

He then barks once at Taako and jumps around him, clearly very into it. A dog wizard is a good thing to be. The hat just falls off from all the movement, though.]

[He kind of expected that to happen, but the sight is still amazing for as long as it lasts, and Taako is laughing to himself for a good minute before he regains his composure.]

I cannot believe we didn't do this sooner. I really wanna go fuck with someone but we probably shouldn't risk you getting sent down to the ground.

[What was that?? That sounded somewhat similar to a sentence that means "let's go outside". Dognus jumps up at Taako's heels like he's a much smaller dog, then hurries off to the front door like. We're going right??? Right??? Come on, he looks very excited about it. You know you want to, Taako.]

... You know what, worst case scenario I can just turn you back before anyone puts you in a bubble.

[Taako scoops his hat up off the ground, wobbles a little when he straightens too fast, and then sets it back on his head as he makes his way to the door.]

Lead the way, my dude.

[He wants to see what Magnus goes for first, which is why he'll just open that door and follow after Dognus at his own pace.]

[Yesssssss!

Magnus rushes out of the door, pauses to think for a minute of where he could possibly go, and decides to make a beeline straight for the elevator. Except he can't really remember how elevators work so he just paws at the doors pitifully.

Then, he notices a potted plant by the elevator, and just. Goes to it and lifts a leg. He's a dog okay.]

[If Taako were a better person he would probably try to stop Magnus in order to spare whoever the hell is responsible for cleaning a secret fake-moon base, but he is not a better person, so he just snickers.]

Classy, Mags, real classy.

[Taako makes it to the elevator, at least, pressing the button to call it.]

You wanna check out the quad?

[Magnus just tilts his head at Taako. But he's very excited about the elevator, so when it opens he hurries inside and does a few laps around the interior.

When it opens again to the quad, he dashes out the door and just. Runs. A lot. Back and forth. At some point he notices his own tail and starts tumbling over himself to try to gnaw at it. Eventually, he ends up on his back on the floor, staring up at Taako almost expectantly.]

[Somehow this is managing to be both absolutely fucking hilarious and also kind of adorable, though he'll never admit the latter outloud. Taalp finds a spot on the wall to prop himself against, and spends the next several minutes watching Magnus make a fool out of himself.

If only fantasy vine existed.

When Magnus comes back over to him, Taako can guess at what he's after and uses creation to make a large rubber ball.]

I'm never letting you live this down.

[And he tosses the ball.]

[Oh fuck yes.

Magnus speeds after the ball. When he eventually picks it up, though, he does not bring it back. He trots off with it, finds a nice corner, and just gnaws at it a bunch. It's His Now, thanks.]

non-game rp

ohhh my god i can only imagine

basic math suddenly becomes the greatest struggle known to man

i dont KNOW which is bigger btwn ninety seven and 76 and i dont want to know

"is a hat a body part" "idk probably????"

im still not sure if hair counts as a body part or not

i think in d&d it does but the image of a dog with sideburns is hilarious

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