[Lup may be a lot of things, an asshole and a cheat to name a few, but she'll do just about anything to keep the promises she makes to the people that mean something to her.
Even if it's just to rub it in their faces later.
Which is precisely why, late into the evening after Nathan Drake's underwater discovery, that Lup comes busting into Magnus' room without warning. A dangerous thing to do, but it's been A Day. The woman is completely drenched, leaving a trail of water behind her all through the apartment, but that's pretty easy to forget when something comes levitating in through the doorway, pausing next to Lup's head and then dropping to the floor with an unfortunate squish.
Yep. That's a shark dick from a fucking monstrosity of a shark.
Lup just raises her hands and fingerguns across the way at Magnus.]
Like I said. I'm the fucking master of shark fishing.
[And this is way too good of an entrance for her to not spin on heel and immediately leave the room, leaving Magnus with the mess.]
[Magnus is partway through carving a wooden bowl, which is how he spends most of his time, these days. There's plenty of wood to go around, with all the collapsed buildings around town, so he's devoted much of his free time to... a throwback hobby, if you will. It's not like he ever gave up woodworking, not like he ever could, but it's not something he's done with the majority of his time for a while now. He simply didn't do it as much as he used to, when it was no longer his job.
But, hey. These days, he's been feeling the bittersweet pang of nostalgia. So whittle he shall.
He freezes, though, when his door opens without warning. Magnus happens to be wearing an undershirt and boxers, so not the worst thing Lup could walk in on, and a wood shaving falls to the ground to punctuate his stunned silence.
He watches her, mouth agape, as she drops a fucking disembodied double dick on the ground, fingerguns, makes a callback, and just fucking walks out. As soon as she exits, though, he shoots to his feet, forgetting the bowl, and follows after her. He's not letting her just micdrop like that, okay. Dickdrop.]
Come on, you could at least fry it! I don't think sushi has been invented!
[Oh COME ON, Magnus. That exit was so fucking rad.
Lup spins again when Magnus follows after her, not bothering to hide the flash of irritation on her face as water droplets fly off of her hair. She was just about to change, but instead, she'll just keep dripping puddles onto the their floor.]
Why would I--[Oh gods. Her eyes immediately narrow in suspicion up at him.] You aren't, you aren't planning on eating it, are you?
What the fuck else am I gonna do with a shark dick, Lup!?
[Don't look at him like that. You're the one that supplied him with fresh fish genitals.]
Besides, some of the most flavorful parts of mammals are the dicks. I don't see why it'd be so different for fish.
[You're talking to the man who willingly ordered fried unicorn dick. Also, he ate a magic rock. We are past the point of questioning Magnus on what he chooses to put in his mouth, Lup, keep up.]
[Magnus, you need to stop putting foreign dicks in your mouth, oh my GOD.]
Has Taako been slacking that badly you're going to resort to eating sharktopus dick? I know we got a little colorful with our cooking on some planes, but what the fuck?! I didn't raise you to eat animal genitals!
[Okay, so she didn't raise him at all, but he was such a young thing when they first met, it's hard not to think of him as a little brother who just happens to tower over her.]
She opens her mouth and holds out a finger, like she's about to wag it at him, but after a pause, Lup huffs instead of exploding. If you can't beat 'em...]
You know what, I am a goddamn magical chef. You want your fucking deep-fried sharktopus dick snack, Mags, I'm gonna make it the best fucking sharktopus dick you've ever had.
[Magnus stares her down. He's silent as he stews in how defensive he's still sort of feeling over the whole thing. What do you think spotted dick is in fantasy land?
He takes a deep breath through his nose. His eyes remain narrowed, and when his voice finally comes, the word is almost a whisper.]
[She points that finger at him finally.] Fine. Sit down and get ready to eat dick.
[And still sloshing around in her dripping clothes, leaving puddles of water with each step, Lup moves past Magnus towards his bedroom to levitate the dismembered shark genitalia into the kitchen. This is actually happening.]
[You're damn right this is happening. Magnus gives Lup a very serious look, as if to impress upon her just how fucking vital it is that he gets fried dick inserted into his mouth pronto, then finally heads over to the dining area and sits at the table. He kinda hates just fucking waiting for his food to be done all the time, but he's hovered around the kitchen enough times that Taako's lost his patience more than once.]
You ever cook shark before? Shark fin soup, maybe?
[Lup glares at him over her shoulder as the shark dick goes floating by, like she's annoyed he's not only making her make shark dick into a meal but now trying to dictate how she makes it. The dick plops down on their kitchen counter, squishing on impact.]
Good. [let her follow her cooking muse] It's been a few decades since I've worked with shark, but I'll whip something up. And it's going to be dope as hell.
[If nothing else, their time drifting from plane to plane has helped to develop the twin's skills by always giving them new things to work with and taking away the things they were most used to using. It was a challenge, but one they both had no choice but to rise up with. It makes their stay in Hadriel seem like a breeze.] I've got this shark dick covered, but any requests for sides? You don't get a protein without some kind of veggies on the side.
[Magnus is pretty spoiled, all things considered. He's got the two, as far as he believes, greatest chefs ever to make sense of all these canned veggies and weird orchard fruits and random staples in between, fashioning better meals from very little than probably anyone else in the cave is eating.
So when she asks what he wants for a side, he doesn't grow indecisive from lack of selection. Quite the opposite. Taako's had plenty of time to learn to get creative with Hadriel's stock, and Lup's no worse, herself. After a period of indecision, he finally offers,]
[As far as side dishes go, Magnus picks a good one, something that will go well with the fishiness of the shark meat. Color Lup impressed!] Shark steak with a side of asparagus coming right up!
[Even using her magic, it takes the elf a little time to perfect her dish, rummaging through the spices that Taako had accrued while grumbling under her breath, making quick substitutions when the things she needed weren't immediately available. There's a few flashes of light and at least one instance of fire leaping up towards the ceiling while she works, but at the end of it, Lup plops an artfully plated meal in front of Magnus. She drops into the chair next to him and throws her hands up behind her head, leaning back.] Get your dick eating on, Burnsides.
Well, okay, it sorta still looks like a dick. But a delicious dick. Magnus digs right in, and as soon as the taste hits his tongue, he makes a noise of approval.]
Mm-- Dude, Lup, this is the best dick I've ever tasted. What the fuck.
[But the woman is beaming smugly, looking all too confident in her abilities after turning a giant shark dick into a real meal. This is absolutely going on her resume later, right under 'Played Tag with the Hunger for forty-seven years' and 'Also didn't murder any of my shipmates during that time'.] But I'm glad you approve. Worlds better than just frying it up, right?
There were tons of other sharks in the lake so, y'know, if you ever want a round two, just hit me up.
uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh well. the curve on the wood is pretty technically impressive, it's hard to do that intentionally without really fucking it up, especially on a single leg. not really. structurally sound. but i can see the artistry in it. i'll give it a solid 8.7.
how much are you gonna pay me for a weird table? also what's your vision of weirdness. give me something to work with here that isn't piss. i don't need to know about your personal fetishes any more than i already do.
[ This week, Merle finally digs around in his own damn inventory and sees what he has in there. Jeez, he has a shitload of stuff.
including Boyland's axe??? with all of his beloved children's names carved into it? maybe he should like. give that to carey someday or something. wow. he forgot about it the instant he took it. ]
eh i got a bunch of stuff hanging around that i could trade you, we can figure it out.
now my vision of weirdness is kind of a folding chair where you sit in it and it folds up around you like a pea pod. like a clamshell with shag carpeting inside. and i stick my head out of it. and theres a hookup to a rope so i can loop it around stuff and pull it up if i need an emergency treehouse.
[ SIGNED, A GROWN MAN. ]
i mean its more practical than weird when i really think about it
yeah, practical, if you're a cat. i can probably do that, though. i was just fucking with you about the payment thing, i probably missed a birthday or something anyway.
Greetings! I hear you are formidable. You are one of the ah-... Oh hell, I forgot what she called it. The Institute of Place Research and Expedition? I wish to commission your strength.
[ That was about as normal as first introductions went, wasn't it? Lup did say he was built like a bear, so this fellow was definitely someone Malkus had aimed to gain the allegiance of. ]
[This is a new one. Apparently, this guy has been talking to Lup, because she's the only "she" that would know about IPRE. What kind of long con is Lup pulling? Because this can't be anything but that.
Magnus fights to keep the laughter out of his voice, but it's definitely obvious he's grinning.]
Oh, yeah, super formidable! Also super expensive! I've been the Chief Security Officer on at least a hundred different worlds, so like, watch out, dude. What are you offering?
I need you to beat me stronger before Hope tortures me, so I don't mind it as much.
[ His logic was that if he were to be hit with sticks enough, eventually a physical immunity would be gained. It's how fighters got to be good at fighting, wasn't it? Hell, Malkus can't really get poisoned after eating nothing but plagued foods. So there ought to be some trick or secret there.
He'd never thought to just... lift for his gains. ]
I can pay with rose hips and a food tin I've sharpened against a brick wall to a fine edge.
[The mention of one of the gods potentially torturing this guy gives Magnus some pause in keeping up the long con. What did Lup tell him, and why is Hope after him?]
I mean, if you really need me to beat you up to get you used to torture, I guuueeess I can do that, but what did you even do that's got Hope on your ass? Also, who are you?
Oh! I'm Malkus Iverwelling! Doctor of the plague and apothecary to all.
[ In his free time, Malkus work shopped a more interesting introduction to make himself seem more affable. Clearly he could work on it some more, but it was progress. ]
Undoubtedly you've heard of an impending investigation. I have reason to believe they will target me, as I've got quite a deep relationship with the Null who wish to harm them.
[ He didn't. That was a lie. But he DID speak to them slightly, and agreed to aid the Null in killing Hope. So it only made sense that they would try to pry something from him! ]
All of this is secret, of course. But I must get stronger!
Magnus knows how Taako can get when his sister is unaccounted for, and he's probably gonna need a friend no matter how this shakes out. But the bad news is...]
uh. no. before you say anything, she might not be gone. maybe she's just crashing at lucretia's place.
[Except he hasn't seen Lucretia for a while, either... Fuck.]
[Taako nearly winces at the response, chewing a bit at the inside of his cheek.]
lucretias gone her names off the contact list on these things lups isnt she has to be here no ones seen her
[He tried doing this on text, as if he could hide his inevitable tone, but Magnus probably knows him too well not to read the desperation behind his words.]
unless the fuckin assholes in charge took her theyre talking about investigating or whatever bullshit they better hope she turns up
[Magnus is the only one who gets what he's actually thinking, the honesty of his fears. If they took her, if they killed her-- there'd be nothing left of this cave, and fuck anyone else who had a problem with that. He didn't get her back just to lose her again. He won't.
Maybe this just hits a little too close to last time, except this time there isn't even a note.]
shes probably just off doing something stupid like an idiot
they'd take me or you before they took lup. we've been here longer and i basically told the null we'd kill the gods for them.
[Magnus doesn't know if that's true, but he wants to hope (ha) the gods wouldn't take Lup. Would they do that? For this fucked up investigation? God, fuck them.
Taako wouldn't be the only one rioting if something seriously happened to Lup.]
but yeah she's probably just being a real goofus in the tunnels or something. i've told her not to fucking mess with that place, but you know how well she listens. when i was there i couldn't connect with my phone or anything.
yeah i know shes just fucking stupid this whole thing is stupid
[He knows that Magnus is just as much family as he is to her at this point, but at the same time, he wants to snap back, wants to tell him he doesn't understand or isn't trying hard enough because he's not her brother. But that has nothing to do with it.
This is why he didn't do this in any place where he could use his voice. If he was on a call, all of this would already be out, and he'd already be regretting it. At least now he has an artificial filter.]
just tell me if you see her or something im going to look at the entrance to the caves for scorch marks
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Action; Evening of 8/1
Even if it's just to rub it in their faces later.
Which is precisely why, late into the evening after Nathan Drake's underwater discovery, that Lup comes busting into Magnus' room without warning. A dangerous thing to do, but it's been A Day. The woman is completely drenched, leaving a trail of water behind her all through the apartment, but that's pretty easy to forget when something comes levitating in through the doorway, pausing next to Lup's head and then dropping to the floor with an unfortunate squish.
Yep. That's a shark dick from a fucking monstrosity of a shark.
Lup just raises her hands and fingerguns across the way at Magnus.]
Like I said. I'm the fucking master of shark fishing.
[And this is way too good of an entrance for her to not spin on heel and immediately leave the room, leaving Magnus with the mess.]
WHAT A GIFT
But, hey. These days, he's been feeling the bittersweet pang of nostalgia. So whittle he shall.
He freezes, though, when his door opens without warning. Magnus happens to be wearing an undershirt and boxers, so not the worst thing Lup could walk in on, and a wood shaving falls to the ground to punctuate his stunned silence.
He watches her, mouth agape, as she drops a fucking disembodied double dick on the ground, fingerguns, makes a callback, and just fucking walks out. As soon as she exits, though, he shoots to his feet, forgetting the bowl, and follows after her. He's not letting her just micdrop like that, okay. Dickdrop.]
Come on, you could at least fry it! I don't think sushi has been invented!
no subject
Lup spins again when Magnus follows after her, not bothering to hide the flash of irritation on her face as water droplets fly off of her hair. She was just about to change, but instead, she'll just keep dripping puddles onto the their floor.]
Why would I--[Oh gods. Her eyes immediately narrow in suspicion up at him.] You aren't, you aren't planning on eating it, are you?
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[Don't look at him like that. You're the one that supplied him with fresh fish genitals.]
Besides, some of the most flavorful parts of mammals are the dicks. I don't see why it'd be so different for fish.
[You're talking to the man who willingly ordered fried unicorn dick. Also, he ate a magic rock. We are past the point of questioning Magnus on what he chooses to put in his mouth, Lup, keep up.]
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Has Taako been slacking that badly you're going to resort to eating sharktopus dick? I know we got a little colorful with our cooking on some planes, but what the fuck?! I didn't raise you to eat animal genitals!
[Okay, so she didn't raise him at all, but he was such a young thing when they first met, it's hard not to think of him as a little brother who just happens to tower over her.]
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It's a fucking delicacy! You can't get that shit anywhere else! Like unicorn dick! You have to know some kind of magical chef just to get ahold of it!
[Just let him eat dick, Lup.]
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She opens her mouth and holds out a finger, like she's about to wag it at him, but after a pause, Lup huffs instead of exploding. If you can't beat 'em...]
You know what, I am a goddamn magical chef. You want your fucking deep-fried sharktopus dick snack, Mags, I'm gonna make it the best fucking sharktopus dick you've ever had.
no subject
He takes a deep breath through his nose. His eyes remain narrowed, and when his voice finally comes, the word is almost a whisper.]
Please.
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[And still sloshing around in her dripping clothes, leaving puddles of water with each step, Lup moves past Magnus towards his bedroom to levitate the dismembered shark genitalia into the kitchen. This is actually happening.]
no subject
You ever cook shark before? Shark fin soup, maybe?
no subject
Is that your request? Shark dick soup?
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[He watches the disembodied dick float past. That sure is a sight.]
no subject
[If nothing else, their time drifting from plane to plane has helped to develop the twin's skills by always giving them new things to work with and taking away the things they were most used to using. It was a challenge, but one they both had no choice but to rise up with. It makes their stay in Hadriel seem like a breeze.] I've got this shark dick covered, but any requests for sides? You don't get a protein without some kind of veggies on the side.
no subject
[Magnus is pretty spoiled, all things considered. He's got the two, as far as he believes, greatest chefs ever to make sense of all these canned veggies and weird orchard fruits and random staples in between, fashioning better meals from very little than probably anyone else in the cave is eating.
So when she asks what he wants for a side, he doesn't grow indecisive from lack of selection. Quite the opposite. Taako's had plenty of time to learn to get creative with Hadriel's stock, and Lup's no worse, herself. After a period of indecision, he finally offers,]
Something with asparagus, maybe?
no subject
[Even using her magic, it takes the elf a little time to perfect her dish, rummaging through the spices that Taako had accrued while grumbling under her breath, making quick substitutions when the things she needed weren't immediately available. There's a few flashes of light and at least one instance of fire leaping up towards the ceiling while she works, but at the end of it, Lup plops an artfully plated meal in front of Magnus. She drops into the chair next to him and throws her hands up behind her head, leaning back.] Get your dick eating on, Burnsides.
no subject
Well, okay, it sorta still looks like a dick. But a delicious dick. Magnus digs right in, and as soon as the taste hits his tongue, he makes a noise of approval.]
Mm-- Dude, Lup, this is the best dick I've ever tasted. What the fuck.
no subject
[But the woman is beaming smugly, looking all too confident in her abilities after turning a giant shark dick into a real meal. This is absolutely going on her resume later, right under 'Played Tag with the Hunger for forty-seven years' and 'Also didn't murder any of my shipmates during that time'.] But I'm glad you approve. Worlds better than just frying it up, right?
There were tons of other sharks in the lake so, y'know, if you ever want a round two, just hit me up.
no subject
[He feels sorta bad he made her cook for him without her getting any for herself.]
Or, uh, if you don't feel like dick, you could get, like. Any other part. A fin or something. Some tentacles.
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You're just thirsting for more sharktopus in general. Got it. Maybe next time I'll make you work for it, big guy.
text; the furniture event, my time 2 shine
you know they did.
he's one event away from tagging his friends in minion memes. ]
THANK YOU
well.
the curve on the wood is pretty technically impressive, it's hard to do that intentionally without really fucking it up, especially on a single leg.
not really. structurally sound. but i can see the artistry in it.
i'll give it a solid 8.7.
no subject
i just want you to help me carry it home though. say hello to our new conversation piece!
no subject
i can MAKE you a table that's weird.
we don't have to bring home a pee table.
no subject
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also what's your vision of weirdness. give me something to work with here that isn't piss. i don't need to know about your personal fetishes any more than i already do.
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including Boyland's axe??? with all of his beloved children's names carved into it? maybe he should like. give that to carey someday or something. wow. he forgot about it the instant he took it. ]
eh i got a bunch of stuff hanging around that i could trade you, we can figure it out.
now my vision of weirdness is kind of a folding chair where you sit in it and it folds up around you like a pea pod. like a clamshell with shag carpeting inside. and i stick my head out of it. and theres a hookup to a rope so i can loop it around stuff and pull it up if i need an emergency treehouse.
[ SIGNED, A GROWN MAN. ]
i mean its more practical than weird when i really think about it
no subject
i can probably do that, though.
i was just fucking with you about the payment thing, i probably missed a birthday or something anyway.
no subject
[ merle doesnt know when his birthday is 2k17 ]
[ Voice ]
[ That was about as normal as first introductions went, wasn't it? Lup did say he was built like a bear, so this fellow was definitely someone Malkus had aimed to gain the allegiance of. ]
[ Voice ]
[This is a new one. Apparently, this guy has been talking to Lup, because she's the only "she" that would know about IPRE. What kind of long con is Lup pulling? Because this can't be anything but that.
Magnus fights to keep the laughter out of his voice, but it's definitely obvious he's grinning.]
Oh, yeah, super formidable! Also super expensive! I've been the Chief Security Officer on at least a hundred different worlds, so like, watch out, dude. What are you offering?
no subject
[ His logic was that if he were to be hit with sticks enough, eventually a physical immunity would be gained. It's how fighters got to be good at fighting, wasn't it? Hell, Malkus can't really get poisoned after eating nothing but plagued foods. So there ought to be some trick or secret there.
He'd never thought to just... lift for his gains. ]
I can pay with rose hips and a food tin I've sharpened against a brick wall to a fine edge.
no subject
[The mention of one of the gods potentially torturing this guy gives Magnus some pause in keeping up the long con. What did Lup tell him, and why is Hope after him?]
I mean, if you really need me to beat you up to get you used to torture, I guuueeess I can do that, but what did you even do that's got Hope on your ass? Also, who are you?
no subject
[ In his free time, Malkus work shopped a more interesting introduction to make himself seem more affable. Clearly he could work on it some more, but it was progress. ]
Undoubtedly you've heard of an impending investigation. I have reason to believe they will target me, as I've got quite a deep relationship with the Null who wish to harm them.
[ He didn't. That was a lie. But he DID speak to them slightly, and agreed to aid the Null in killing Hope. So it only made sense that they would try to pry something from him! ]
All of this is secret, of course. But I must get stronger!
[text, backdated to 10/4]
you seen lup anywhere
since paintball party
no subject
Magnus knows how Taako can get when his sister is unaccounted for, and he's probably gonna need a friend no matter how this shakes out. But the bad news is...]
uh. no.
before you say anything, she might not be gone. maybe she's just crashing at lucretia's place.
[Except he hasn't seen Lucretia for a while, either... Fuck.]
or elena's. have you asked her?
no subject
lucretias gone
her names off the contact list on these things
lups isnt she has to be here
no ones seen her
[He tried doing this on text, as if he could hide his inevitable tone, but Magnus probably knows him too well not to read the desperation behind his words.]
no subject
let's do a sweep of the cave.
i can start from one side and you can start from the other.
she'll turn up, taako. she has to be somewhere.
[Checking the contact list wasn't even something he thought of back when Taako and Merle both disappeared, so he can't draw from experience here.]
no subject
theyre talking about investigating or whatever
bullshit
they better hope she turns up
[Magnus is the only one who gets what he's actually thinking, the honesty of his fears. If they took her, if they killed her-- there'd be nothing left of this cave, and fuck anyone else who had a problem with that. He didn't get her back just to lose her again. He won't.
Maybe this just hits a little too close to last time, except this time there isn't even a note.]
shes probably just off doing something stupid
like an idiot
no subject
we've been here longer and i basically told the null we'd kill the gods for them.
[Magnus doesn't know if that's true, but he wants to hope (ha) the gods wouldn't take Lup. Would they do that? For this fucked up investigation? God, fuck them.
Taako wouldn't be the only one rioting if something seriously happened to Lup.]
but yeah she's probably just being a real goofus in the tunnels or something.
i've told her not to fucking mess with that place, but you know how well she listens.
when i was there i couldn't connect with my phone or anything.
no subject
fucking stupid
this whole thing is stupid
[He knows that Magnus is just as much family as he is to her at this point, but at the same time, he wants to snap back, wants to tell him he doesn't understand or isn't trying hard enough because he's not her brother. But that has nothing to do with it.
This is why he didn't do this in any place where he could use his voice. If he was on a call, all of this would already be out, and he'd already be regretting it. At least now he has an artificial filter.]
just
tell me if you see her or something
im going to look at the entrance to the caves for scorch marks